Laughing Through the Dark Times

Have you ever felt like its just not your day? Your month? Or even your Year?

Has this ever happened to you all in 1 week? Well, let me tell you; when it rains, it pours.

All within the last week everything I have touched has turned from hopeful positivity to a dumpster fire in the middle of the desert during a drought.

When the universe and higher powers are trying to send you a sign, maybe you should take a listen.

It all started out like any other day. Wake up, walk the dog, check the weather and decide if I’m riding my motorcycle to work that day. Usually, the answer to that question is absolutely; but the weather has been crazier than a white woman with colored hair at a Trump rally. So, like any day, work happens I do some bitching bout what I had to get done that day and then I leave and forget all about the problems of the day.

Riding home is relaxing and peaceful and stress free. Just me, the bike and some music. That is until you remember that people are assholes and will do dumb things trying to be the good guy so they SLAM on the breaks while on a turn so no one behind them can see what’s going on, all to let someone cross the road. This caused me to slam on my breaks, bike breaks are not as good as cars FYI, the car behind me tapped my tire because he slammed on his break and we all narrowly avoided killing me all because someone wanted to be nice.

That should have been the first sign to STAY HOME the rest of the week. But no, not me.

I decide to press my luck and again the next day catastrophe happens. It starts downpouring while riding home. Winds and rain caused by Zeus himself to come fuck up the day! Again, narrowly avoided dying by sliding on a sewar drain and almost hit into a car that was slowing down.

Now we think the story would end there. Nope.

These were just the signs to look for when the higher power of Zeus, God, or the Aliens are telling you something and you should listen.

From there every single one of my sports teams lost in horrific fashion. My two favorite UFC fighters getting punched in the face so bad and losing it looked like a god damn rocky movie. The Giants got decimated, the Steelers demolished, and the Yankees got hit by Negan and his baseball bat and couldn’t get up. Every single Bet that was placed by me was catastrophically destroyed and lost. Every fantasy team was demolished by the likes of a foreign power.

And to top it all off, the ex that has mutual friends shows up with them at the bar and YOU being the person to make the group feel as little awkwardness as possible, decide to leave your friends and get another table. Now one can argue this was the coward’s way out, but I would argue this was the easiest way to avoid any conversating with someone who clearly has no feelings of friendship or anything good towards you.

All these things could have been avoided if I just let those cars squash me like a bug

So, remember folks, when all this bad shit happens, the best we can do is laugh and make jokes at the trauma that is going to keep us in therapy for years to come!