Laughing Through the Dark Times

A quote that’s always stuck with me is “The power in any relationship comes from the person who cares the least”; Matthew McConaughey said this in ‘Ghosts of girlfriends past’. The reason this has always stuck with me is because it’s based off an actual study.

The principal of interest is a sociological study that basically states that in any business, personal, or romantic relationships the person who cares the least about it controls then outcome.

It’s an interesting concept and the older in get the more I realize the truth to it. Even if you disbelieve it, it’s the truth.

Think of this, we all have a friend that we reach out to all the time. Then one day you stop calling or texting them and poof, 3 years go by of no one talking. You realize that you cared so much about the friendship and kept it going far longer then it was supposed to. Once you come to this realization there’s no goong back.

This truth hurts. When you get into a relationship with someone you never want to be the person who doesn’t care. You never want to be that person who loves the least. But if you sit back and think about it, the person head over heels in life is usually the person that gets crushed.

Sometimes I wish I had my tumor back in my head and stopping my emotions. Things were simpler when you are either content or angry. Not in love, not sad, not any of it. But unfortunately I can’t go back to that stage in my life.

So here I am. A few months have past since iv last seen the girl I was dating. Had a bit of a panic attack but dealt with it and was the bigger person afterwards reaching out letting her know that it was nice seeing her and to be cordial. The entire conversation I got an attitude and I was polite and not at all an asshole (when I really should save been).

Fast forward another week and a half. And poof I get a text from the witch of a woman about the conversation that ended over a week ago. Am I the asshole for not responding? Just letting it go and basically ghosting her this time? A part of me what’s to tell her to leave me the hell alone. The other part of me wants to tell her I want to be with her. But instead I’m here writing this shitty blog trying to ignore my feelings and get over her.

See I wish I could be that person who cares the least in a relationship so I could be in control. But unfortunately I’m not built like that. I am the person that loves hard and refuses to give things up when they get tough. Thats the person I am and man does it fucking suck.

As one of my food friends said to me recently, even though this girl crushed me, at least I got my dog out of it. And at the end of the day she makes dealing with all these shitty emotions better.

Two months ago I wouldn’t be able to sleep right now. I’d be up till 3-4 in the morning having a mild panic attack and now because of time (but mostly cuz of my dog) I’ll be able to sleep soundly and just have bad nightmares about her crushing me again.

But hey! That’s progress! Right?!